Thoughts on The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read

If you've been following my journey over on instagram, you'll know that I'm currently in training to become a children's yoga teacher (yes, on top of Mum + Baby + Toddler + Preschool....) As part of my training, we were invited to read Philippa Perry's The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read.

Of course, I'd seen this book around before, but had never picked it up, mostly because I find it easy to doubt myself, + didn't want to lose confidence in my parenting abilities as has happened previously when I've read parenting books.

However, that very much didn't happen with this one! I was pleasantly surprised that the tone of the book was one of gentle reassurance, the author's stance very much agreed with my own beliefs about early childhood + emotional wellness.

KEY POINTS FOR YOU

The 'blame your parents' trope is kind of maybe correct?? - We generally end up repeating how we were treated when we were little, by our own parents. It's not a conscious memory, but an emotional one. If you were nurtured + had a strong attachment to your caregivers, knowing you would be treated with love + acceptance, that is how you will be programmed to go about all other relationships in your life. If you were not... you may subconsciously be repeating that trauma on a daily basis, + in dealings with your own children. 

Identify your own emotional triggers first - When your child pushes your buttons, they are probably triggering something in you that is unresolved from your own childhood. Try to consider what that might be, rather than blaming your little one, + then work through that trigger together. 

Rupture + Repair - As parents, we all make mistakes. Understand that there are times that you'll react in ways you may later regret, + make a commitment to acknowledge them + apologise to your little one. Children don't need their parents to be perfect; they need to know that despite not being perfect, they are lovable.

KEY POINTS FOR YOUR CHILD

Behaviour is communication - if your little one is displaying inconvenient behaviour, your job as the loving parent is to work out what they are trying to say; what emotion needs to be met; + try to meet them there. This is hard work, but will ultimately resolve the issue better than distraction/becoming angry, because you are addressing the root cause (the emotion), rather than the symptoms (the behaviour).

To diffuse undesirable behaviours: validate, boundary, next step - Name the emotion your little one is feeling, because this gives them the vocabulary to do it themselves as they grow. Set a boundary for the behaviour, + stick to it. And work together to solve the problem + create a strategy for the future. 

KEY POINTS FOR YOU BOTH

The goal of parenting is Love - The key to a successful, fulfilling relationship with your child is to treat each other as equals, constantly growing, communicating, + learning from each other. Your relationship will not break from one mistake, but may be jeopardised if you do not recognise + repair missteps. 

Emotional wellbeing in childhood is an indicator of mental wellness in adulthood - Having good emotional literacy as a little one can teach our children plenty of significant life lessons + strategies that can help as they face more difficulties in life as grown ups. 

KEY POINTS FOR TINYBUGS YOGA

Emotional wellbeing is at the root of everything I do, whether that's helping little ones (+ parents) learn strategies to manage their wellbeing, or reminding Mums that their emotional needs are important too. TinyBugs Yoga sessions are spaces to support emotional wellness in both you + your little bug, +  build your relationship with your little one through attention, physicality, + mutual enjoyment.  So to see that a psychotherapist has recognised the importance of this in our children is wonderful - + it affirms that TinyBugs is needed. 

And if you'd like to check out these principles in action, come along + join me for a yoga session - book your space now!

Plenty of food for thought! I'd recommend The Book You Wish Your Parents had Read as a non-judgemental book of advice - it doesn't set itself out to be a rule book (because there are no rules to parenting), but if you want to examine your parenting skills/philosophy (or even if you don't...) I think this is a valuable read.